Remembering Dad

Since starting this blog, I haven't taken the opportunity to write about my feelings on matters that are really close to my heart. People read all the stories and see the images of the fun travels were are experiencing over here, but that's really just one aspect of my life. Today is a bit of a different story as I wanted to put some pictures together in remembrance of it being two years since my Dad's passing.

It's sad to say, but before I lost my Dad my outlook on death was very different. I had been lucky enough to find myself in a situation where I was surrounded by older people in their late seventies/early eighties that were passing away. While death at an older age is still very sad, I felt I was always able to justify it by thinking that the person had a good life, watched their children grow up to have families of their own, watch their grandchildren grow and if they were fortunate enough, meet their great grandchildren. Because I had always (or for the most part) associated death with the elderly, when my Dad passed away it frightened me. When you lose a parent long before their time, mortality really hits you and it can take you to a dark place. For the first few weeks, I found myself laying awake late at night thinking up all sorts of crazy scenarios about being old and what would happen to me when everyone around me is no longer here. I went through a stage of not wanting to leave the house or see friends, wishing someone could drop me on a desert island so I didn't have to see or speak to anyone ever again and wanting to stay in bed with the covers over my head all day. Quite frankly, I didn't care about anything. 

When someone you love is taken from you suddenly, your life and the lives of those it effects irrevocably changes forever. Within your family, roles and dynamics change. You as a person change. It hardens you but makes you more fragile at the same time. The grieving process is long and slow. I'm now learning it's something that never leaves you and it still hasn't, two years on. I think about my Dad every.single.day. There's always a celebration whether it be an engagement, wedding, birthday or holiday where you think about that person and how they should be here and what a great time they would be having. A song, a catchphrase or an experience can immediately remind you of that person. Within my family, we are all dealing with Dad's passing in our own way. For me personally, I find it cathartic to talk about my Dad. Now that I'm married, I think more about children and how my future children are never going to know their Pa, which saddens me deeply. But I also feel extremely grateful that my Dad was able to experience being a grandfather and had a wonderful relationship with my niece, who used to get up to all sorts of mischief with him and still talks about him fondly.

A few things about my Dad.....

Dad was a bit of a character

When he was stressed with work, he was often an old pain in the you-know-what. We still loved him for it anyway.

He insisted on having the latest and greatest gadget available on the market, however that didn't mean he knew how to use it....

He wore jeans and runners to work. Yep. Hello Jerry Seinfeld!

He always had a smile on his face

He had a very unique laugh, that could be picked out in any crowd

He loved a good party & a boogie on the dance floor

He was partial to a loud shirt or two

He enjoyed pretty much any code of sport known to man kind

You just didn't want to ever find yourself in a serious discussion about umpires, bad refereeing or the latest scandal surrounding a sporting team. He was right and you were wrong. Always

He loved telling a good story

He and Mum were often caught falling asleep on the couch before bed time

 He loved his family......

 

 

.....But his greatest treasure of all was our now not so little Bella

I wish he was here to see the beautiful, confident, imaginative, clever, sporty (unlike her Mum and Aunty), eight year old she has grown up to be. He would be incredibly proud of Bella and all of her achievements

Dad was quite a matter of fact person. When members of our family were faced with health issues from time to time, he never allowed himself to get too emotionally bogged down in the situation. We would all just have to accept it, deal with it as best as we could and get on with the show. That was just Dad's way.

He was an incredibly generous and selfless man that always put the needs of his family above and beyond his own. That to me, is the true meaning of being a parent. Xx